Now here is the best practical joke ever played on me. Prank compliments of  Kevin Burnett & Mark Brandes.  During my tenure at Pleasant Hawaiian Holidays, I made it an integral part of my day to torment Kevin B our AD with practical jokes, crank calls, e-mails.... you name it.  Kevin would laugh and being a good sport would thank me for the humor and promise that one day all would be made right.  

That day came during a difficult time in my life.  I was battling an IRS audit, my job was eating my brain I was planning my wedding and I was turning 40.  On top of all that, I was having a mystery ailment that was causing my stomach to vibrate uncontrollably for no apparent reason.  I fired three HMO Dr.s for lame diagnoses that included blaming it all on the above and recommending Xanax.  It was on my fourth medical brainiac who started with a full comprehensive physical including that dreaded sound of the snapping latex glove.  One of the many tests included a urinalysis.  I took the container with me  (I just can't pee on demand) and promised to return before the end of the day.

Back at work I was involved in a photo shoot over at Mark Brandes studio with Kevin.    I brought the cup with me thinking that I could complete my task and return it to the Dr.'s office before lunch.  I did the deed but felt uncomfortable about leaving it on Mark's hallway table  exposed, so I put it in an opaque photo lab pick-up bag.


The first thing that happened is that the Lab picked up the bag by accident and was about to leave with it. Mark & Kevin shortstopped that incident and decided as a joke to compose a letter to my Dr. and hide it in the bag thinking that I would see it before I turned it in.  When I took the bag to the Dr. office the waiting room was full. I had second thoughts about showing everyone my prize so I left it in the bag and just handed it to the nurse who acknowledged what it was. 1 week later I am sitting naked on a gurney answering questions being fired off my Dr. who was flipping pages on his clipboard.  He suddenly stops and asks...."...oh yes and how is your dog?"  I am thinking that dog is some medical acronym and look puzzled.  He repeats the question again and I reply  "I don't own a dog"  The Dr. now flippantly responds with "well you did last week" and hands me the letter.  I read it and haven't a clue what is happening.

I say "I didn't write this" and the Dr. begins to console me as if I have lost my mind.  I frantically reread the letter looking for clues.  After several minutes pass, I recognize Kevin's handwriting, realize I'm been stung hard and start laughing hysterically waving the letter at the Dr. and screaming "I know who wrote this".


The Dr. is now worried that I not only have I lost my mind but his life is now in danger  He is backing toward the door using the clipboard as a shield . I grab him. by the arm and demand he hear me out.  Taking the path of least resistance, he reluctantly agrees.

 With tears streaming down my face from fits of laughter I explain my plethora of practical jokes played on Kevin.  I say proudly that Kevin has finally evened the score with this trick.  I think the Dr. just agreed with me to save his life. 

I enjoy a good prank and this one took me hook, line & sinker.  I went back to the office and told Kevin & Mark who had forgotten that they had even done it.

The Dr. was later fired for his inability to resolve my problem.  It was finally solved by a Chiropractor  ten minutes after meeting me.  " Its the wallet in your back pocket" he said " I see this thing all the time."30 minutes later my stomach quit shaking and my life returned to normal a bit richer from the experience.




Not found in the hallowed musical halls of military prancing along with the other inspirational greats

such as Souza, this refers to the heinous and barbaric act of forced troop movements on foot.  And Janice,

ahhhh I mean General (use the espanish) never missed an opportunity to launch a new campaign.

There was therapeutic value to these exercises and Kevin & I found out later that evening (above)

of General's somewhat  secret ambitions to be the Presidents national fitness advisor.  Arnie

(you bastard) just flexed a pec and got the job.  It does need to be said that every great restaurant

I have ever been in , Janice has a led the kudos for that.  above photo taken at  one of the

many sampled luau's offered at the Pleasant Hawaiian Holidays breakfast Briefing.

Janice Hopkins, Dennis Hopper, Clark & Kevin Burnett completely luau-ed out in downtown Waikiki

celebrating the Great Hopkins Hawaiian Ad Agency search & death March in d minor.. although it appears

we are all a wee bit influenced by the mai tai's, it is actually exhaustion from declining the generous offer

to get on the Luau bus.  3 miles and 67 side streets & back alleys later, we arrived looking more like Pizarro discovering the Pacific than a marketing group.  As an aside, and its just my opinion...I thought Dennis was  too free with his hands that night.  Academically speaking of course.