Long Tales from an Epic Sesh

Episode 19

The Misadventures of Spiderman


Roven Rappaport

dedicated to Lori Thompson and the Kalalau Death March of 1982




Now Kids!! Don't try this at home.

Well things have been heating up 'round the "Bu". Seems the boys got a little rambucous while on a windsurfing road trip to Jalama. Morgan McGadfly (just for Shits & Giggles) put a large pregnant tarantula in Don & Fauna Shaft's car on the way home from an "after the epic sesh" dinner at a Santa Barbara Mexican Eatery.

Problem is, both Don & Fauna are cardcarrying arachnaphobics. Morgan, having second thoughts about the couples fragile psyches and potential lethal subterfuge, was nice enough to warn them before the long trip home to Malibu. After completely field stripping the car, they realized that "Momma" (in her delicate condition) had climbed up into the dashboard to avoid all the commotion. It was getting very late and with an old Arabic curse on their lips for Morgan, they decided to risk the 2 hour drive home. Don drove with one leg on the pedal and the other out the window, resting on the side mirror. Fauna assumed the Angolian birthing position by putting both feet onto the front windshield, holding a flashlight on the floorboards, waiting for you know who, openly praying for devine deliverance.

At Countyline, Momma decided to come out for a look see, which prompted Fauna to scream and Don in his precarious position to swerve sharply off the road, up onto the curb and careen into a large metal trash barrel.

Don's leg had become entanged with the side mirror and as momma creeped closer & closer to his other leg, he panicked, swinging open the driver side door, pulling himself out of the car, leg still attached to the mirror.

As fate would have it, a Highway Patrolman pulled up behind the couple, curious about Don's position of shoulders firmly pinned to the ground with buttocks and lower extremities trailing up the side of the door. With an assist from the now snickering patrolman, Don was freed, Fauna calmed and Momma coaxed onto a paper plate and set gently on the side on the road, well out of harms way.


Meanwhile back at the beach...word spread fast (as words will do ) of McGadfly's prank, much to the chagrin of the very bruised egoed Shafts. Informed sources close to the couple disclosed that due to the fact that Momma was carrying a few hundred eggs into the car but not out, prompted the Shafts to seek professional help from an Exterminator, Psychiatrist & Attorney. We shall see what the future will bring to the sleepy hamlet known as Malibu, as the Shafts plot revenge and Morgan anxiously squirms, awaiting his fate.

But for now, this will close the tattered and worn case book known only as:

Long Tales from an Epic Sesh....Until next time